I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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