that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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