i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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