The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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