I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
