It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
