apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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