she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
