Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
