dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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