Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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