My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
