i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
