11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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