That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i barfeds in our rink
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
