Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
