I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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