shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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