Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think this conversation is over.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus