32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
