8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?