hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.