i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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