Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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