i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize