it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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