Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
