i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, beer. Big fan.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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