Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
