they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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