I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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