i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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