ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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