So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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