Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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