The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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