just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please, let me fuck your mom
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
