apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
