Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
