Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
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Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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