no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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