No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
