im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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