His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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