Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
