There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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