My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
