walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
