Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize