No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
