my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize