I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
