Your face is a jimmy john
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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