Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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