i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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