No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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