i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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