He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
