She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
