bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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