worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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