i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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