my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
