how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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