Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
