So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
