i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
