Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
