I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
