So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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