the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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